


the more that you say (the less I know)

by adiwriting



Series: Heartbeat [8]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Kid Fic, M/M, Mpreg, relationship angst, with a hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:22:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29892129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adiwriting/pseuds/adiwriting
Summary: Alex needs answers, because Michael being an alien doesn't make any sense.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Heartbeat [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2178315
Comments: 36
Kudos: 118





	the more that you say (the less I know)

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I'm back with some more Nova Mae! Hopefully this conversation helps answer some questions, though Malex certainly has a ways to go before they can truly be a picture of happily ever after. But this conversation is a great start and ends with a lot of hope and promise.

“Explain it again,” Alex demands. 

Michael kicks at the ground and looks back towards the direction of the garage. They’ve walked further away into the maze of the junkyard at Michael’s request. He’d wanted to get out of Nova’s view. The little girl kept running up to the glass door of the office and screaming for them.  _ His _ little girl apparently. His daughter. 

Fuck. 

None of it makes any sense. None of it. 

Alex is a logical guy. He deals in information for a living. Breaks down codes, gathers intel, helps make informed decisions about next steps and action plans based on the information at hand. But the information he has at hand is utter shit. None of it makes any sense. 

“Guerin,” Alex calls out when he doesn’t respond, just keeps staring off into the distance. “Guerin!” 

Michael finally looks at him, hands in his pockets and shoulders slumped, looking like a scared little boy instead of a grown man. “What do you want me to say?” 

What does he want Michael to say? He wants him to take it back. To tell him that he’s joking. That he fell and hit his head and this is all just some elaborate, fucked up fantasy. Aliens aren’t real. Alex has grown up in Roswell his entire life. He’s heard all the conspiracy theories. Worked at the fucking UFO Emporium for god’s sake. He knows what utter crap all this alien stuff is. Fuck, he’s even seen the actual USAF reports on the supposed 1947 crash. He knows all about Project Mogul and how the USAF had found it easier to let the public think that they’d found a crashed spaceship than to attempt to explain a classified government program aimed at monitoring Russian nuclear testing. 

“Aliens aren’t real,” he says firmly. Making it clear that he doesn’t believe a word of what Michael is telling him. Hoping he’ll drop it and actually tell him the truth. Because ‘alien’ can’t be the truth. 

Michael sighs deeply, but doesn’t change his story. Instead, an old tire that had been at his feet floats up into the air and begins to spin. It’s not the first bit of telekinesis that Michael’s performed for him, but it throws him every time. Its the only piece of Michael’s story that he can’t explain away as being false. Because there are no wires here. No elaborate magic trick. Michael is actually moving this tire with his mind. 

And it freaks him out. 

“Okay, yes, alright,” he says, reaching out to grab the tire and toss it back to the ground. “I get it. You’re the male Jean Grey. You don’t have to keep showing me.” 

“Would it be easier if I  _ were _ a mutant?” Michael asks. 

“I don’t know,” he admits. “Maybe?” 

‘Mutant’ Alex can wrap his mind around. Even though the concept of X-Men is science fiction, it’s got a basis in science fact. Animals evolve all the time. Humans have evolved over time. All life on Earth started out as microorganisms that somehow evolved into this. Thinking that humanity could evolve? Could mutate? Yeah, it’s a hell of a lot easier to believe. 

“At least you’d still be…” he starts to say but trails off, realizing that he doesn’t want to finish that sentence. 

Michael takes a step back, looking stung. He finishes the sentence for him. “Human? At least I’d still be human?” 

Alex flinches at his tone, hating the hurt look in Michael’s eyes. And there’s a realization that comes over him that Michael is actually telling him the truth. That he’s one of the Roswell aliens. That he’s been an alien this entire time. 

“Why does it matter?” Michael asks.

Why does it matter? Alex wants to laugh. It matters because the boy he’s been in love with for a decade, the boy he’d given his heart to, the boy he’d given every part of his body to… He’s not even a boy. He’s something else. Something  _ other _ . And it’s terrifying. 

“I slept with you,” Alex says pointedly. Not understanding why Michael doesn’t see what the big deal is. 

“I know, I was there,” he says. 

Alex shakes his head. “How could I not know this?” 

He searches his brain, trying to figure out if there’s ever been any kind of sign that Michael was different. That he wasn’t who he said he was. He’s got nothing. Michael’s always just been.. Michael. Sure things with Michael have always been more intense than with other people… The connection brighter, the love stronger, the sex more passionate… But none of that had immediately screamed alien to him… Now he’s rethinking everything though. 

“Because I never told you,” Michael says. Alex looks at him,  _ truly _ looks at him. He looks so tired. And his eyes are guarded, but underneath that, Alex can see the desperate hope. Alex doesn’t know what to do with it now any more than he knew what to do with it then. 

“Right, but… you’re an  _ alien _ , Guerin,” he says, the words feel weird on his tongue, but somehow right. This is the truth. The weird, unfathomable truth. 

Aliens exist and Michael Guerin is one of them. 

“So I’m supposed to have tentacles or something that gives me away?” Michael snaps. 

“No,” he says quickly, hoping to starve off any argument that’s about to start, clearly seeing that he’s offended Michael. “I just… This is a lot, okay?” 

Michael’s shoulders slump and the fight leaves him. He leans back against the old beat up van. “I know. I’m sorry.” 

Alex relaxes as well. He lets himself sit down on the tailgate of an old truck, taking the pressure off of his leg. They sit there like that for a while. Both silent and lost in their own thoughts. 

Alex tries to wrap his mind around all of the information he’s just absorbed. Reconcile his previous understanding of the world with this new understanding. 

Aliens are real. 

Aliens are real and he’s slept with one. 

Michael is an alien. Max and Isobel Evans are aliens. 

And Nova… 

Nova is… Nova is something that he still can’t comprehend. 

“Did you know?” Alex asks. 

“That I was an alien?” he says, looking confused. 

“Did you know that you could get pregnant?” he asks carefully, unsure that he wants Michael to answer that question. 

“No,” Michael says after too long of a pause and it raises Alex’s suspicions slightly as his mind starts to race through endless scenarios in which Michael had known about this possibility and hadn’t bothered to tell him. Had just let himself get pregnant and never tell Alex about the child they apparently share together. 

Michael rolls his eyes and stands up, clearly seeing something in Alex’s reaction that annoys him. “You know, shockingly, when you wake up in the middle of the desert with only two other kids as company because all of your relatives have either died a fiery death in a spaceship crash or have likely been killed in some top secret Area 51 shit, you don’t know all that much about your biology. It’s not like we could ever go to a doctor. We look completely human, I just assumed sex worked the same for us. How was I supposed to know that I could get pregnant?” 

Alex looks down, ashamed for letting his mind so easily travel to the worst case scenario, thinking the worst of Michael. He can’t imagine not knowing anything about where he comes from. Some days he wishes that he didn’t know where he came from. That he could just erase Jesse Manes from his memories and start over, but this is different. Michael doesn’t know anything about who he is. He doesn’t even know what planet he’s from. Alex can’t fathom what that must be like. And suddenly, a lot of things about Michael become more clear. 

“How did you find out?” he asks, watching his tone, making sure it doesn’t sound accusatory. He genuinely wants to know and can tell that this peace between them could so easily combust over the simplest of sparks. 

“I started getting sick,” he explains. “Which, we don’t do. Ever. But I was getting sick and we didn’t know why. So Isobel helped me steal an ultrasound machine from the hospital to figure out what was wrong with me. I mean we were grasping at straws and I couldn’t go to a doctor, so I figured if I could study our biology I might get some answers… And low and behold, I heard Nova’s heartbeat and I just knew.” 

Alex tries to picture it. Michael laying on the small bed in his airstream, using the wand of the ultrasound machine on himself, and hearing Nova’s heartbeat. His heart tightens in jealousy. It’s a moment he should have been there for, but he wasn’t. He was halfway around the world by that point fighting a stupid, endless war. He had no idea. 

“That sounds scary,” he says. Because it does. It sounds utterly terrifying. Terrifying and hopeful and awful and lovely and tragic and… perfect. It sounds perfect. Or what could have been perfect, if Alex could have been there. If he’d been allowed to share that moment with Michael. If life was kinder and the world favored two idiot boys who’d fallen in love despite a homophobic father who was hellbent on destroying his life. 

“It was,” Michael admits quietly. He shrugs his shoulders like it’s not a big deal, but Alex can tell that it is and he hates it. “But then I got Nova Mae out of it and it wasn’t so awful anymore. It was kind of great actually.” 

Kind of great. 

Michael got to have all the memories of their daughter and Alex got, what? 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, feeling the shock and sadness start to morph into anger instead of him. “Didn’t you think I had a right to know?” 

“What was I supposed to say?”

“That I have a kid!” Alex argues and Michael just laughs. 

“Please, tell me how I was supposed to break  _ that _ news to you?” he asks. “You left. You told me that you never wanted to see me again and you left. And by the time I found out I was pregnant you were deployed. There was no way to contact you. I didn’t have your number or your address or anything. And even if I did, you made it very clear that you didn’t want me near any of your military shit.” 

“You could have contacted me for  _ this _ ,” Alex argues. 

“To tell you that I was pregnant with your child? How was I supposed to explain that without telling you I was an alien?” 

“So you kept my daughter from me so you could protect your alien secret?” Alex asks, horrified. “Wow.” 

“It wasn’t for me,” Michael says, taking several steps back and shaking his head. “It was for Nova. The fuck did I care if you found out my secret and turned on me. Let the government try and come for me. But Nova? I couldn’t take the chance that something might happen to her. That anyone might find out that she’s part alien and hurt her. I’m her father and it’s my job to protect her, no matter what.” 

“ _ I’m _ her father,” Alex argues, his hands curling into fists as he tries to control his anger. “Don’t you think that she and I deserved to be together?”

“Not at the expense of her safety,” Michael says, shaking his head. “Never at the expense of her life.” 

Alex’s nails dig into his palms as he tries to take several deep breaths and fails. He wants to understand. Michael’s arguments seem logical enough and Alex is a logical guy. If faced with the same decision, perhaps he would have done the same. After all, he’s been in the military. He knows that sometimes there is no good answer, and the only decision you can make is the one with the lowest body count. But fuck if he doesn’t hate it. 

“Then why tell me now?” he asks, trying to poke holes in Michael’s argument. Needing something to be angry at. 

Michael shrugs. “I don’t know. Nova figured out who you were and I just… I’m so tired of all these secrets. I’m tired of not being able to tell the truth to the people I love.” 

Alex freezes at the words. “What did you just say?” 

Michael opens and closes his mouth several times before letting out an exhausted laugh. “Come on, Alex. It’s not like you didn’t already know. I’ve been in love with you since high school.” 

Alex shakes his head. “Don’t.” 

“Don’t what?”

“You can’t just drop this insane secret on me and then say you’re in love with me. It’s too much. I need time to figure things out,” he says. 

“To figure out if you’re going to tell people?” Michael asks nervously. 

“What?” Alex shakes his head. “No. I’ll protect your secret, Guerin. I just can’t do this right now. I have a daughter that I never knew about because you kept it from me. I’m angry. And I get why you did what you did, but I’m still upset.” 

Michael doesn’t respond right away. He shoves his hands into his pockets and rocks back and forth on his heels a few times, but he’s clearly got something he wants to say so Alex gives him the space to figure it out. 

“Here’s the deal, I don’t need you to forgive me,” Michael says, though he sounds sad about it. “Or want anything to do with me for that matter. I get it. I stand by my decision because it was made out of a need to protect Nova, but I know it hurt you and I hate that. I respect your right to be pissed at me. But Nova’s never done anything to anyone. So you shouldn’t let your feelings about me keep you from her. You guys have been kept apart long enough.” 

Alex lets Michael’s words sink in. Lets himself think about Nova Mae. Pictures her little smile and adorable lisp and the way that she’d made him laugh and feel lighter than he has in awhile. Then he pictures how upset she’d been and his heart breaks just a bit. He does want a relationship with her. He hasn’t known about her for long, but already he feels connected to her. He wants to know her better.

He just isn’t sure he knows how. 

“I don’t know how to be a father,” he admits. 

Michael smiles at him softly. “Neither did I.” 

“I never had a good example of parenting,” he says. 

“I know, neither did I,” Michael says. “You’ll figure it out.” 

Michael makes it sound so easy but everything he’s ever heard about raising a kid is that it’s hard. “I’m worried I’ll mess it up.” 

“It’s not possible, okay?” Michael says. “The only thing that Nova needs from you is love. And despite everything, I know you know how to do that.” 

The words manage to ease his fears and settle his heart. He’s still hurt and angry, but he’ll get past it. He will. He just needs time. And in the meantime, he needs to focus his energy on building a relationship with the four year old daughter he never knew he had. 

“I’d like to see her.” 

“Of course,” Michael says. He holds out his hand. “Give me your phone.” 

Alex hesitates for a moment, unsure, because it feels like a line and after he’s just asked for space it’s a boundary he’s not sure he wants crossed.

“I’m going to give you our address and my phone number so that you have a way to set up visits. I promise that I’ll respect your space otherwise,” Michael says, and Alex can see the honesty in his eyes so he hands over his phone. 

“We can be home any day by four,” he explains as he types his information into Alex’s phone. “You can come over whenever you like, but it would be helpful to call first to make sure we’re home. Nova likes to hang out at the Crashdown because she thinks it’s an alien princess castle and we are at Max’s or Isobel’s several times a week, but we don’t ever have plans we can’t change to fit your schedule.” 

It’s weird. Sitting here discussing schedules with his ex-whatever Michael is to him like a couple of… parents. Like a couple of parents. 

His heart flutters fast at the thought and there’s a part of him that wants to run. Run away before any of it can come crumbling down around him. It’s scary, how close this is to everything he’s ever dreamed of for himself. How domestic it all feels. And he’s terrified that having his dreams so close to becoming reality just means that the universe is about to snatch it all away from him… But he stays.

“I’m, um, off tomorrow? Does that work?” Alex asks. 

“Sure,” he says. “Sanders doesn’t need me and I’ve got some projects to work on anyways that I don’t need little hands getting into, so a distraction for Nova would be good. She’d like that.” 

If it’s Michael’s subtle way of letting Alex know that he’ll give the two of them space, it’s not that subtle. Alex appreciates it though. Knowing that Michael will be close if they need him, but not on top of him. He’s not sure how to be a parent, but he knows he’ll have an easier time figuring it out if he’s not anxiously worried about Michael silently judging his every move. 

“Okay. I guess I’ll, uh, see you then?” he says.

“Yeah,” Michael agrees. “We’ll be awake and dressed by 8. Come by anytime after that.” 

“Okay,” he says. 

“Okay,” Michael responds again awkwardly. And with nothing else to say and the awkwardness between them growing, Alex waves at him and heads back out to his car. Michael doesn’t immediately follow him and it’s probably for the best. He hadn’t realized how tense he’d been the entire conversation, how he’d been holding his breath the whole time. With each step back towards his car, he feels that tension start to lessen. 

He’s still upset about being kept in the dark for so long. He’s hurt. He’s jealous that Michael has all of these memories and moments that he’ll never get. And he’s terrified of being a father and not being good enough. But he’s also… hopeful. Because he’s got a daughter who, as far as he can tell, is beautiful and brilliant, and utterly amazing. And he can’t wait to get to know her. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for all the support you guys have given this verse! It's been overwhelming and incredibly motivating!


End file.
